This was not what I had intentions of writing about this week. I have been traveling and then gearing up for surgery and had planned on telling you all about that. With the recent passing of Robin Williams and various other media frenzies going on, I decided I was going to change the tune a bit with this post. Since my most recent blog post was about the little moment of depression I was experiencing myself, I thought I would elaborate a little bit more on something that I don't think a lot of people realize. I think most people float through life selfish and judgmental and don't stop to think about what a small selfless act might do for someone else. On the other side of that, I dont think that most people understand how a dirty look, or a pointing finger, or an awkward stare can affect someone either. I am sure you have heard the quote above a million times.
I have always wondered why it is so hard for people to just be nice. I am by no means perfect, but I definitely make a very conscious effort to not judge others and to be a good person in life. I am confident that whenever I have the opportunity to put a smile on someone's face by helping them out when I can, I will. This goes for strangers, this goes for my fellow breasties, and of course my friends and family. I do my best to not judge others, especially after everything I have been through in the last year. I don't think anybody would look at me now and think for one second that most of my days are filled with anxiety. I won't go as far as saying that I am depressed daily, because I am not, but I have my days. Those days are usually filled with fear more than anything else, with this little hamster that runs around in my head and comes up with all kinds of crazy scenarios for what the future might hold. The more women I meet who have been through this, the more "normal", or less crazy, I am beginning to feel again. More importantly, for myself, I am slowly learning what it is I need to do to wake up and find a little happy in every day. I usually start off my day by reminding myself that I am not going to find out I have cancer today, so I might as well enjoy the day because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. It is my best attempt at reminding myself to be positive, to enjoy my day, and to not obsess over every little thing my body has going on. Some days it works, others days...not so much.
While I know most of my readers are cancer survivors...I have become aware that I also have readers who are going through their own personal battles completely unrelated to cancer. So this post isn't necessarily for my fellow breasties, its for everyone. I have said this before and I will say it again. I think it is so important to find patience within yourself with whatever it is you are going through. Whatever it is might not be solved overnight, or in a week, or a month...but this too shall pass. We all have people who love us, who support us, who care for us, and who want nothing but the best for us. I think it is so important to hold on to that. I think it is important to focus on the things that bring you happiness in life. Even if it is just one thing, every day. Find it. Think about it for a few minutes. Take your mind off of all the bullshit that consumes your brain and give yourself a chance to smile every day, even if its just for a few minutes. I know it is easier said than done, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW...but its doable. I am absolutely no expert in any of this...but I can tell you that I do my best every day...and that's all I can do. It's really all anyone can do.
A little over a month ago, I decided to start my 100 happy days. Everyday, I post a picture of something that makes me happy on that day. It keeps my focus going in a positive direction and some days, I find myself just waiting for that happy moment to happen. I have missed a couple of days here and there and its then that I know I need to focus a little harder and dig a little deeper to find it. For me, this has been a great tool and I highly recommend trying it yourself. Everyone could use a little more happiness right? Even if you don't share it with the world on social media, take a picture of something, and just look at that picture for a minute and focus on why it makes you so happy. It can be something as little as a cup of coffee or as grand as the ocean. I promise, if anything else, it will calm your mind down for a few minutes and bring you a little peace.
If you want to know another way to feel good about yourself, and to find happiness within yourself...just be nice to other people. Do what you can for others whenever you have the opportunity to do it. Even if it's just to compliment a random stranger. Do it without talking about it. No one needs to know but you and I can promise you, that you just made someone's day. I remember the first time I left my house bald. I was so scared, I cried the whole car ride there. I even had to stop at the store and get more make up because I cried it all off. That night, a stranger came up to me and told me how beautiful I was. I said thank you and she said, no really...you really do rock that look. I smiled. I felt so good about myself after that. A random stranger changed everything for me in about 10 seconds. Of course my husband always told me how beautiful I was without hair but he sees and loves me unconditionally. I was always more worried about other people looking at me and knowing I was "sick" because I was bald. The fact that a stranger pulled me aside, at a loud concert nonetheless, made me feel so good about myself. I bring this particular story up because from that point on, I never wore a wig, I never wore a scarf, I ALWAYS left my house bald after that. One person, one stranger, changed my entire point of view of myself in that moment. I wish I could find her and thank her, and really let her know what she did for me that night. Instead, I will spread her word to you and hope that you'll take a little something from that. Not only do I hope that you will bring happiness to others, but I hope you will find happiness in yourself by doing so. I hope that you will do your best not to judge others because you never know what someone else might be up against.
I started this particular blog because I was given a gift today from someone whom I have not talked to in awhile. Someone who is going through their own personal battles. This happened a few weeks ago, as well, when flowers were delivered to me while I was on vacation from another friend of mine. After receiving todays gift with a letter about how much my blog inspires them, I started to think. I love writing. I love that I been given this little gift to turn a really shitty situation, in to something that has helped others. It makes me feel proud of myself but more importantly it helps me too. When I get an instagram message, an email, a text, or a phone call from someone telling me how much I have helped them...it makes me happy. In some really crazy way, it brings light to why this has all happened. I want to thank my readers for encouraging me to continue on this blogging journey. Though I know I have inspired many of you, you have all inspired me as well.
So with that being said...go find your happy today. You deserve a little bit in every single day you wake up. Cry if you have to, lean on your friends when you need to (that's what their there for), and whenever you can, do your best to make others smile. Don't be ashamed of your bad days and don't be ashamed to get your feelings out....even if it's just on paper. This blog just happens to be my pen and paper. Oh...and be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and just be nice to others. Everyone deserves at least that, don't they?