I promise to clarify that title as you read through this and future posts. First, I would like to welcome you. I am confident, as my reader, you will experience every emotion possible as you read through this blog. In my opinion, what makes a great movie, is just that. Having those range of emotions from up to down and back again. So I will use that same theory while I share with you all...MY BALD BLOG.
Several times, I told myself that I was going to start this blog. I even sat down, for hours, typing up random nonsense about my breast cancer. I always knew I wanted my story to serve a purpose that was more than just informing my family and friends of where I was at and how I was feeling. As I am typing with a clearer, chemo free brain, I don’t have one specific reason why I am doing this. I have several. Maybe this blog will save a life, maybe this blog will help another 30 something battling cancer, maybe this blog will touch another woman who is scared to lose her hair, and maybe this blog will just be a place where my family and friends visit to hear more about my journey. I am pretty confident as you read through this, if nothing else, you will take that extra second in the day to appreciate the life you have surrounding you. For my fellow “pink sisters”, as they call them…I promise to open myself up to you and help you as much as I can with your fight. Chemo is brutal. I don’t care what anyone says. Cancer is brutal…everything about it. The emotions, the fears, the list of endless questions that lack any clear answers, the physical challenges we face, and the loss of any sort of “normalcy”. My life and your life, is forever changed. One thing I hope you will learn from me is that it can be the beginning of an amazing life for you. For those that know me, you know I have a terrible memory. I can go back to the day I was diagnosed and there is not one detail about that day that I have forgotten. One of the clearer moments in that day was when I walked in to my house after coming home from the doctors office. I turned to my husband and almost fell to my knees while I was screaming “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME”. I cant tell you how many times I asked that question to whomever it was that was listening at the time, even if it was just me and God. I think this is a question that everyone has asked themselves at least one time in their lives. On those bad days when nothing seems to be going right, we throw our hands up, look up at the sky and say WHY ME? You know you’ve done it. That day, when I almost fell to my knees screaming my “why, why whys”, I wanted an answer in that moment. I wanted some magical power to just put a billboard in front of me that said “THIS IS WHY”. The only thing I had in that moment, was my husband. He caught me before my knees hit the floor and pulled me back up and said to me, “I don’t know why this is happening to us, I don’t know”. We cried together not having a clue where this journey would take us. We had no idea what was even going on. Every single minute that went by without an immediate answer to our questions seemed like hours. Answers don’t come at 2AM in the morning when your lying there staring at the ceiling. The only place your going to find them is on the internet, which just leads to more fears and questions. Though you have never, and may never be diagnosed with cancer you’ve had those moments. This is life. It happens. Ask why all you want, but I can promise you that the answer will never be simple. I am confident, after going through this, that this was always meant to happen. Not “to me” but “for me”. This happened for me to become a better person, for me to enjoy life to its fullest, for me to not live in fear of everything, for me to help other women, for me to “be me” again. Life happens and we lose ourselves. We become so caught up in our day to days that we forget what’s important. None of us will ever become experts at living life. It is an unpredictable journey. I promise to write about my journey and inspire, encourage, and educate my readers. I promise to answer any questions my readers might have for me. If you are currently in your own fight, I hope that I can help you in any small way that I can. Please ask all of the questions you’d like. Please remember, I am not a doctor or psychologist though. I am only offering you information, advice, encouragement, and inspiration with regards to my own personal experience. If you are a family or friend of someone currently battling cancer, I hope that through my own experiences, I can help you lift them up through their journey. I know, sometimes, its hard to find the right words to say or the right things to do. For me, my breast cancer was the beginning of a new life for me. 6 months ago, I didn’t know that. It seemed incomprehensible that what was happening would one day make any sense. Even in this moment, it doesn’t make perfect sense. I am still trying to put the pieces together of where it will all take me. I am clear on the idea that I will donate myself to helping other women who are and will face the same challenges I have, and the same challenges I will have going forward. I am clear on the idea that I will encourage women to embrace every single moment of their journey, from that first head shave to that first new hair strand. I am clear on the idea that this life that was given to me is beyond my control. I will forever be grateful for the lessons cancer has taught me. I have been given a second chance to enjoy life with a completely different outlook. I have been blessed with the opportunity to help others – and for that I am thankful. “I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it”
12 Comments
Randi
4/24/2014 04:18:52 pm
Can't wait to read more!!!
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Linda Sandlin
4/24/2014 05:17:26 pm
Love it! Can't wait to read more.
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Kevin Doll
4/25/2014 02:39:42 am
I am so proud of you!
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Judi
4/25/2014 02:41:42 am
God bless you beautiful girl! The beginning of another journey. So proud of you! Can't wait to read more.
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charlene
4/25/2014 02:51:50 am
Jen, you have become one of the strongest women I know and your quest to help others is inspiring,so proud you are my daughter
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Ashley
4/25/2014 05:26:08 am
We are so blessed to have you in our lives Jen. We are lucky to hear the lessons you have to teach us. We are listening with open ears and hearts.
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Traci
4/30/2014 02:55:11 am
We are the same age, roughly the same schedule with chemo (according to your instagram) its nice to read that im not alone. I went through the same thing when i found my lump. I have NO family history, i carry NEITHER BRCA gene and because of my age my doctor at the time said at first that he didn't feel anything until i physically put his hand on the lump and said "I know my girls and this IS NOT normal" then he went to the oh you're to young it couldn't be cancer. 48 hours later I had a conformation from the mammogram. Within a week i had a stage finally, i am Stage 3b er/pr-HER+. I've had chemo and a RMR found out i had a complete pathological response to chemo
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maria nenninger
5/15/2014 06:13:10 am
I too hAVE STAGE 3 A, AND ITS HARD TO FIND ONE WITH THIS TOO, MOSR ARE 2 OR UNDER, OW R U DOING I HAVE FINISH WITH EVERYTHING BUT I SEEM MORE ANGUISE THEN EVER, WHY IS THAT I FEEL I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE, SO SCARED OF IT RETURNING SOMETIMES I CANT EVEN SAY THE WORD,,,
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Jen
6/4/2014 08:49:52 am
Maria, I don't think the anxiety really ever goes away. We just have to find a way to live our new normal whatever that may be. I don't think its something that comes to us right away. However, I have joined some support groups and a breast cancer workout program here in town. Im hoping this helps me cling on to some women who know exactly what Im going through. I can explain it to my friends and family all day long but no one will truly understand it unless they have been in our shoes. Are there any support groups or programs you can join?
Jen
6/4/2014 08:47:37 am
Traci...I am so happy to hear that you are through the worst of it and had a complete response. I believe I had what they consider a complete response too as my tumor was only 2mm from 2.8cm. I didn't have a very good response to the A/C so I was really surprised to find out the taxol did most of the work. Glad we are here to share our stories and I think its extremely important to keep talking about our feelings and get them out there.
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Stacey Schuler
4/30/2014 06:20:23 am
Jen, you are such an amazing person and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to meet you. As crazy as it sounds, it was the cancer that brought us together and I am thankful for that. Even though I am suppose to be the professional person here...you taught me so much about strength, beauty and hope, I will be able to share your story and words of encouragement with many of my future patients. I wish you the best as you continue to heal and look forward to keeping up with you on your blog. : ) Stacey, Your Nurse Navigator.
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Cancer_awareness_101_
5/14/2014 02:33:31 am
Wow I'm glad I got the chance to read this. Your so inspiring, I'm glad you told me to read this. Your so strong, and great idea to make a blog so more people can hear your amazing story. Stay strong, never give up, you've done so well with handling everything. I can't wait to read more, hang in there, never change.
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