Sounds like a tall order doesn't it? Purpose...what is purpose to a cancer survivor? I definitely believe its something much deeper than most people could ever understand. Actually, I am not going to limit that to cancer survivors. Anyone who experiences a traumatic experience in life can appreciate what it means to find a purpose behind it. Those answers might not be so clear at first while your asking yourself all of those whys, but find it. It is there.
My best friend sent me this the other day. It was a bad day. I've had a few of those lately while I have been obsessing over these little pains as we do so often. It came at the perfect time and I did exactly what it said...and right now I want you to do the same thing. Put your hand over your heart...its beating isn't it? If your reading this, the answer is yes. Its beating for a reason. God hasn't given up on you. Don't give up on yourself. Find your purpose.
I know how difficult this can be when you are going through a hard time. Whether its a divorce, an illness, an unhealthy child, cancer...it is so hard to focus your attention on anything while you are consumed in those present emotions. But think about it...you spend so much time (and I know you do because I do) worrying about what the future holds for your health, in love, in life...why not focus that attention on something that has a purpose? You cannot change what your body is going to do, or what lies ahead in life. That's in God's hands. So why not focus that energy on finding something that will bring you a more positive outlook on your current situation. This too shall pass...no matter what it is.
When I was in treatment, I had a million different ideas for what I wanted to do when it was all over. I will tell you, none of those ideas ever formulated in to a plan. Truth was, I didn't know what I would be capable of doing when it was all said and done. I didn't know what I was in for emotionally but as time has passed...I am slowly beginning to direct my attention towards a few things that I have found passion in. I love my photography business but its not my purpose in life. In speaking to a friend the other day...out of no where I said, "I hate that breast cancer happened to me, I would never want to go through that again...but I also have never felt like I had a real purpose in life. Breast cancer has given me a purpose, for the first time in my life...I feel as though I have a true purpose." I said that with borderline tears because it was such a revelation to me.
I know writing in this blog inspires other women, and I am thankful for the gift I've been given to put my feelings on paper in the most honest way possible. Writing in this blog, for me, has begun to define that purpose for me. No one HAS to tell me that I am inspiring to them...and that is the highest of all compliments that I can receive. It makes me feel so happy inside, that even if for one second, I brought someone comfort in their own journey. I know what that first chemo felt like, I know what it felt like to face the fears of having my breasts removed, and I know what all of this post cancer bullshit feels like, as well. With that being said, I cant change the world. I cant take away your journey from you, I cant erase what it is you are going through or make it go away...but I hope that I can make it a little easier for you. Right now, in this moment...that's my purpose. Providing comfort to someone else who is following in my footsteps. I am certainly not creating world peace but finding a purpose doesn't have to be some grand adventure.
Recently, my mother taught me how to sew pillows. I will be working directly with my plastic surgeon to drop off care packages with these cute pillows and a matching bag for their patient's post surgical drains. I have plans and hopes of getting involved with the local media to bring more awareness to this disease. As more time goes on, I am learning that my passion is being directed more towards bringing awareness to young survivors. This is NOT an old women's disease anymore. Something needs to be done and I am a small duck in a very large pond but I will do anything and everything to this regard. I believe my story is the perfect example for why younger women need to advocate for themselves and follow what their bodies are telling them. Being turned away by a doctor and following my instincts, saved my life.
Right now, this little bit of purpose that I have found within myself, has brought me hope and happiness. It has made me feel good about what's to come. Though I still have my fears, that some days will just rule my world, feeling as though I have a purpose brings me comfort. Some peoples purpose in life is to be a mother, others is to save lives as a doctor, or a father's purpose to teach his daughter about love and life. We all have a purpose here on earth and some of us will never be fortunate enough to really understand or discover that purpose. Some people will float through their daily lives not truly appreciating or caring why they are here. My purpose might change tomorrow but for right now, this is what I have discovered. This is what brings solace to my days and I will take what I can get. This simple little message, has been engraved in my brain for the time being.
My hand is on my heart...my heart is beating. I have a purpose. You have a purpose. It doesn't have to be huge but just know that it is there, acknowledge it, and embrace it. You are alive for a reason. Don't EVER give up! I hope that after you read this blog, you will find encouragement and peace in your journey. I want to inspire you, but I also want you, personally, to feel good about yourself and who you are and only you can engrave those thoughts in to your own mind.